2nd Wedding Anniversary

I have been thinking about it a lot and wondering what we would have done today if Shawn was here.  We probably would have asked to spend the day in Midway, that being one of Shawn's favorite places to go.  Since he wasn't here to ask, I thought really hard about what would mean a lot to both of us and eventually to Serenity.  I find myself doing that a lot lately.  Living more for Serenity and her future than for anything else.  I decided that someday, when Serenity wants to know about her dad and me meeting and getting married and all that, I want to be able to show her the memories.  I drove around the valley, listening to music that reminded me of Shawn and the good times taking pictures of all the places that meant something to us.  There are places I left out or didn't add due to lack of time, or the memories were mixed.  I hope that everyone reading this is touched by what I did.  I'll add the playlist as well as the pictures.  I would encourage you all to take a moment and listen to some or all of the songs.  There are some that will shed a lot of light on Shawn and on our marriage.  I had a great day doing this and I can only hope that Serenity enjoys the memories of her dad, my husband.

 

This is where Shawn lived when I met him and we started dating.

This is the stake center where Shawn and I went to Stake Conference together and he sat by me and flirted with me the whole time.  He also met my Bishop during that Stake Conference and commented that he really liked him.

One of the first things I ever did for Shawn was give him a ride to this Subway.  He offered to buy me food in payment for the ride.  I settled for a drink instead.  This was also where I realized that I was interested in Shawn.

This was were we went on one of our official first dates.  Shawn loved the very middle of the movie theater and he loved Fast and the Furious 7, Terminator Genesis, Mockingjay and The Avengers movies, just to name a few.



One day I was picking Shawn up from work and he wanted to stop at this sandwich place.  He said that his dad took him here a lot and it was going to be the best sandwich ever.  It was of course.  Shawn knew his way around food.  He told me that his dad was the best dad ever.  He couldn't wait for me to meet his dad.  Shawn told me that his dad was perfect.  No wonder I was so afraid to meet him. 

This is where Shawn asked my dad if he would give his blessing to our marriage.  My dad said no, and I told Shawn I wanted to marry him anyway.  This is also one of Shawn's favorite restaurants.  He took Nicole, my middle daughter here a couple times, and we went on dinner dates here often.

On this very curb, Shawn asked me to marry him.  He and I were remodeling the basement of this house for one of his clients and on one of his breaks he asked me to come outside so he could ask me something.  I followed him outside and he turned to me and said, "I don't have a ring, but I really love you.  Will you please marry me?  I'll get a ring as soon as I can afford one."  I said yes.  Then I went home and prayed really hard about the situation and got a "Yes, you need to marry this man.  Don't ask questions, just do it," answer from Heavenly Father.

In this lovely home, Shawn's parents house, we got married on April 12, 2014.  I was so excited.  It was great.  All of my family and Shawn's family were there.  Nate and Brandy, Shawn's best friend and my best friend were our best man and maid of honor.  Our honeymoon was at the Manor in Midway.

Many midnight runs were made to this Taco Bell, Shawn loved to get food here.  Come to find out, he didn't really even like it, it was one of the only places open at 1 am.

The day Shawn left Cold Creek AMA, he told me he needed to attend an AA meeting right then.  I drove him to the closest one.  Who knew that just a few short months later, I would get a job here.

Shawn got his 6 months sober chip here.  This is were he found AA meetings that he came to love. 

While waiting for an AA meeting to start, Shawn and I discovered this great place to eat.  Turns out, they served us so much food, even Shawn had to get take home boxes.

This is the ward house where Shawn and I went to church.  This is also where his viewing and funeral were held.  Shawn had hoped to quit smoking before much longer so he could be the one to bless Serenity.  Instead, Wayne, Shawn's dad blessed Serenity a few days after Shawn's passing.

This beautiful headstone lies at Elysian Gardens.  I go here a lot to do homework, it's right by Fortis College where I am going to school.  I pray a lot here and cry some too.  I love how beautiful the grounds are kept and it's so peaceful here.

This is the Draper Temple where Shawn, Serenity and I will be sealed for time and all eternity.  I hope to live worthy for the rest of my days for the blessing of an eternal family.  I am not sure the date but it will be soon I hope.

Here's the playlist and the reasons I added the songs I did.
Carry On - FUN because we sang this song together while driving around the valley to his jobs when we first met.
Best Day of My Life - American Authors because he sang this song believing that he was on the brink of the best days ever concerning his company.
Blank Space - Taylor Swift One day Shawn told me that he had heard the "best song ever" and showed me this music video.  The funny thing is, I had just been singing it on the way home from work and loved it instantly.
Dark Horse - Katy Perry We were messing around on youtube one day and Shawn ran across this song.  Ever since, he played it nice and loud every time it came on the radio.
Tha' Crossroads - Bone Thugs N Harmony Of all his rap songs he liked, this one is the one that called to me the most.  It talks about what happens to us when we have to answer to God for what we did on earth.
Dear Mama - 2Pac He showed me this song and told me that he loved his mom more than any other woman on this earth.  (I think this song swears so don't listen to this one.)
Mockingbird - Eminem This song was really special to Shawn because it talks about how Eminem feels about his two daughters.  Shawn felt a lot the same way about his daughters.  He felt like he couldn't do anything right and that he was a horrible father.
Shape of my heart - Backstreet Boys One day, I went to pick Shawn up for work.  I knocked on the door and could hear this song playing through the door.  He gave me a rose and a box of chocolates that said Believe on them.  He told me that he wanted me to start believing in myself.
I swear - All 4 One Shawn loved this song because he said that this was how he felt about me.  When we first started dating, he called this our song.
Just a dream - Nelly Picked this song because Shawn never thought of himself as worthy of my love.  I found this song on his playlist on his phone shortly after he died.  This song is one of the songs that I feel has helped me see how Shawn felt when he used to tell me that he was afraid I would leave if he didn't stay sober.
Over and Over - Nelly Picked this song because it was another song from his playlist and it talks about having a hard time getting over past things.  Shawn had a hard time forgiving himself for things.  Even after we were good, he was always saying how sorry he was for stuff.  I hope now, he has found the forgiveness I wanted him to feel.
All I want - Ellie Goulding, Just Breathe - Pearl Jam and A Thousand Years - Christina Perri All of these songs are on the video montage that was done by Nick and Shara for Shawn's viewing.  They have all come to mean the world to me.
Say Something - Pentatonix Shawn said that this song was him saying goodbye to his old self and allowing a new self to come out. 
I won't give up - Jason Mraz I sang this song to Shawn when I picked him up from detox and drove him to rehab.  We both cried together.
See you again - Charlie Puth, Photograph - Ed Sheeran, Thinking out loud - Ed Sheeran, You should be here - Cole Swindell are all what I would say to Shawn if I could.  They are all great songs and I love them, even though I have to pull over and cry sometimes when I hear them.
The Dance - Garth Brooks A lot of people have asked me if I knew how it would end, would I still say yes and marry Shawn.  The answer is yes.  It's been painful but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Locked away - R. City, Adam Levine I can imagine Shawn singing this song to me and yes Shawn, I would still stand by you and love you even if you had no money.  I'm not going anywhere.
 

Life as I know it

The other day, I was thinking that I don't really know what normal for my little family is.  I know that we have our routine, we have finally gotten "situated" I guess you can say.  Looking back though, a year ago Shawn and I were planning our first wedding anniversary.  He was really excited.  Well, so was I for that matter.  I was still pregnant with Serenity then.  We were starting to slowly gather stuff for the baby.  Now, Serenity is falling into a pattern for the day and night.  The girls are starting to get "back" into extra stuff outside of school.  Braden has a job on the weekends so his routine has changed a little.  I am used to going to school and then work.  Serenity is getting ok with daycare, sort of.  She kinda whimpers when I set her down and kiss her goodbye.  She is sure happy when I get back.  I guess life has taken on a "new" normal, kinda like everyone that has been through this has said would eventually happen.  Of course there are still exciting things to look forward to.  Serenity learning to talk and walk, her first birthday, the kids all getting out of school for the summer, Braden moving back.  A long awaited road trip to see the Oregon coast and possibly meet Shawn's daughter Chloe on the way.  Oh and a new part time job.  Yes, I still have my job at Highland Ridge, just getting my feet wet in a job that can open up so real possibilities for me in the future.  Getting sealed to my little family, Serenity, Shawn and I.  So much to look forward to.  On Tuesday next week, I am celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary.  I have decided that I am going to go to all the places in the valley that remind me of the good times with Shawn, take pictures at each place, and make a book for Serenity and I to look at so that no matter where we live through the years, we have the memories Shawn left me with.  I have thought about posting the pictures at least on face book but we'll see.  I am amazed that sometimes I get so sad that I can't understand how time can continue without my best friend and soul mate.  Other times, I get so caught up in life that everything seems to be ok.