Random Thoughts about today

Thinking a lot about Shawn today.  This has been the longest and the shortest 30 days of my life.  I can't believe that only 30 days ago, Shawn died.  It seems so much longer.  At the same time I feel like, "Wow, 30 days already?! If time speeds by like this then hey I can handle this."  It's strange to me to think that I am starting to do things that I did right after he died.  Like pay certain monthly bills, buy certain things that we have run out of.  I echo what I said before.  I don't want to live without Shawn.  It's not that I can't, obviously I can.  But I don't want to.  Strangely, life is continuing.  In the last 30 days I have accomplished a lot.  I started seeing a grief counselor, I got called to be the relief society chorister, the bathroom is almost done, Serenity has gotten a month older, Braden moved out, the kids started school.  A month of a lot of change.  I cleaned out the dresser today, after I watched the movie montage and cried.  I went to the cemetery and left some pretty flowers.  Sadly, still no headstone.  But I'm sure it will be soon.  I am going to have a yard sale on Sept 19th. I'm going to make a blanket out of his t-shirts to give to Serenity someday.  Or, maybe I'll just keep it.  Thank you Gina for the awesome idea.  So, I was thinking about Shawn and one of the things he really liked was a good comeback story.  He wanted to be a good comeback story that people would tell to give people hope.  I think, reflecting on my life and my future, I am going to be an awesome comeback story.  Once I'm done with nursing school, I should be able to completely support myself and my kids.  I truly hope that I can do nursing school.  Well, I might post again but probably not until tomorrow.  I'm so glad I made it to today.