Labor Day

Today was interesting.  I think it was the first Labor Day in my work life that I actually worked.  It wasn't that bad though because all the kids were places I didn't have to worry about.  The kids were at Scott's and Serenity was with her baby sitter.  For some reason, maybe just because I wish there was someone to come home to, I was so sad I couldn't for the life of me stop crying.  What's up with that anyway?  Shouldn't I be getting better at knowing that Shawn's not here no matter how much I want him to be?  Everyone I know keeps telling me how awesome I am doing.  If they could just see the insanity in my own mind and heart right now, they would be seriously concerned.  It does help to write these little blogs.  And it does help a lot when people text me to see how I am doing.  Phone calls help.  Loving people just stopping by make me realize that I will someday be ok.  I got the news about being a CNA yesterday.  Technically, the letter came in the mail on Friday but I didn't get to open it until yesterday night when I got home from Midway.  Now that I have that, I feel a little more ready to start nursing school.  And, while I am thinking about it, I wrote my "homework" down that my counselor assigned me.  My assignment was to write down all my current stresses and then prioritize them.  Writing them down was easy.  Prioritizing?? Not so much.  Anyway, here's the list in case you were wondering.  In order, most important first.  Work; Children; Pay for Kate's school pictures; WIC appointment to get checks for Serenity; Get lab work done for Fortis; other appointments for the week; find money for school; find a babysitter for Serenity while I'm at school; Up coming school; Church calling; bills; papers turned into ORS; Social Security appointment; life insurance; death certificates; all the court stuff from Shawn; clean garage and basement; finish painting; Sell van; headstone.  As you can see, some of the stuff is time sensitive and some is just a matter of waiting.  I'll have to check back and see what I can accomplish this week.  Better be going.