Today just sucked

Well, I try to be upbeat but today upbeat can bite me.  I was ok at work even though I did some difficult work on myself during one of the therapy groups today at work.  Right up until I had this one client tell me that I wasn't doing my job and she got mad at me.  The thing is, I went above the call of duty for this client, locating phone numbers that I didn't need to find for her.  I pretty much did my very best today and instead of a little thank you I got a big fat (insert bad word here) you" from her.  Then as I was sitting in the cafeteria waiting for the clients to finish dinner, it hit me that I am mad at Shawn for being an addict, something that I believe was not in his control.  I think he had the choice to use or not, but I think that addiction is a disease and one who has addiction in their life can't just choose to make it be gone.  They can choose to feed it or not but not to erase it.  But still I have anger about the fact that my sweet husband that I love with all my heart had to have this horrible disease that was so difficult for him to fight.  I can't hope to understand what he went through and what he is now working through so we can be the forever family we both want.  The really mean side of me hopes that he understands what I am going through not having him here with me.  But then, wouldn't it be fair for me to have to understand his side too??  Anyways, Serenity and the girls made my night better by cooking dinner while I was gone at work and having it all ready to eat when I got home.  Serenity is just so darn cute that she just makes me happy by smiling at me.  Well, I feel better.  I guess that's what this blog is meant to do.  Help me process my stuff so I can grieve Shawn and then kick butt at nursing school and in life.